Hidden feelings
by DCI Gill Murray01
Summary: Julie begins to realise she feels something else towards Gill, but Gill is with Chris. How is this going to work out?
1. Chapter 1

Gill was just finishing her paperwork and getting ready to leave the office, it was nearing eleven and she wanted to get home and see Chris. He was leaving for Oxford tomorrow morning and she wouldn't see him for a few days. Gill picked up her files and shoved as many as she could into her bag, she had one folder that wasn't going to fit so she just left it on her desk, it could wait until tomorrow. Gill pulled on her coat and walked out of her office. Gill was just leaving when she noticed the fridge door was slightly ajar, she walked over and knelt down. Gill couldn't help but laugh when she saw the contents of the MIT fridge. It contained Gill's mint KitKats, Rachel's aero yoghurts, Janet's fruit bars, Mitch's flask of soup his wife had made him, Pete's Double Decker bar, Lee's doughnuts and Rob's Lucozade. Gill really didn't understand how he could drink that stuff so early on every day. Gill shut the door and picked her bags back up, she turned around and to see Julie standing at Syndicate nine's office door.

"Shit, you scared the hell out of me!" Gill shrieked as she dropped her bags from the shock of seeing Julie. "Don't ever do that again!"

"Sorry, I just couldn't work out what you were doing?" Julie laughed as she pulled up a chair and slumped down in it. She ran a hand through her hair making it even messier than it already was. Gill knew that Julie had a difficult case on and she looked like she could use a drink.

"Wanna come back to mine for a drink?" Gill sat down next to her and looked her in the eye. All Julie did was nod, she was exhausted and it was taking every part of her not to burst into tears over the slightest thing.

"Yes please" Julie replied softly, Gill wrapped an arm around her shoulder

"Hey what's up with the emotional bitch now?" Gill sense of humour normally cheered Julie up but it wasn't working.

"Sorry, its just I haven't slept in days this case is really nasty" Julie looked at Gill. Recently she had begun to feel differently about Gill, she didn't know why but ever since the whole Helen Bartlett issue Julie had felt a lot closer to Gill. But Julie had always been able to separate work and home life, but know it was proving difficult.

"Come back to mine and stay the night, I'll give you a lift back here in the morning as you look too exhausted to drive!" Gill placed a hand on Julie's knee to comfort her. Julie felt her whole body begin to tingle; she tried to control herself from doing something inappropriate especially in the office. Gill stood up and pulled Julie up with her. "Come on lets go home, I need a drink" Gill linked arms with Julie and pulled her out of the office turning off the light behind her.

"There you are, get that down you" Gill said as she handed Julie a large glass of red wine. Julie accepted it readily.

"Cheers" Julie and Gill were sat on the sofa, Gill sat with her legs underneath her as she made herself comfy. It was also proving to be a very difficult week at work too. Pete and Lee had been spreading something around the office that was beginning to annoy everyone, Gill just had to get to the bottom of what it was.

"Now what's up with you?" Gill asked, she looked at her best friend who seemed so exhausted, Gill knew that with a job like theirs you didn't always get a lot of time to yourself but Julie was pushing herself to hard again.

"Just been a long week" Julie looked at Gill who was smiling back at her. Julie really wanted to confess all and declare her love for Gill, but she knew that Gill was happy with Chris and Julie didn't want to spoil that for her.

"Well if you're sure, but you know you can talk to me about anything yeah?" Julie smiled back at Gill, not quite everything Julie thought. Just then Julie let out a yawn.

"Come on you need to sleep" Gill climbed up off the sofa and collected both the wine glasses.

"Same room as always?" Julie asked, she had stayed at Gill's so often that Gill and Sammy had renamed one of the spare bedrooms as Julie's room. Gill nodded and put the glasses in the kitchen. She then returned and followed Julie up the stairs. They reached Julie's room and Julie turned to her best friend.

"Thanks for putting me up" Julie said, she always felt safe whenever Gill was there.

"No problem, I'll see you in the morning you fat arsed bitch" Gill laughed.

"Night, you mad bitch" Julie shot back.

"Whatever, be ready to leave for seven" With that Gill walked off in the direction of her own bedroom. She stopped outside Sammy's room then realised he and Orla were out for the evening and would probably stay at a friend's. Gill then opened the door to her bedroom; it was dark apart from the small bedside table light Chris had left on. He had fallen asleep holding Gill's pillow close to him. Gill smiled when she saw him lying there. Gill quickly undressed and found some pyjamas; she pulled them on and then climbed into bed. She was too tired to think about doing anything else as she reached up and turned the bedside light off, turning the room into complete darkness.

"Gill" Chris whispered in his sleepy voice

"Hiya love, sorry I didn't want to wake up" Gill whispered back

"I'm glad your home" Chris let go of her pillow and moved it back to the top of the bed where her head was. Chris placed the pillow down then wrapped his arms around Gill who snuggled in closer to him.

"So am I, Julie's staying the night" Gill said, she knew Chris wouldn't have a problem with this as they were good friends.

"Ok, well I have to leave early tomorrow morning so I probably won't see her" Chris looked down to see Gill was almost asleep. "Night, I love you" Chris whispered in her ear.

"Love you too, you smarmy bastard" Chris laughed and soon enough they were both asleep.

Gill and Chris were awoken by his alarm. Chris let go of her and rolled over to turn it off.

"Jesus" He groaned, he began to pull the covers off him, but Gill stopped him.

"Don't go just yet" Gill pulled him back into bed, as much as he wanted to stay in bed with her all day, he knew he couldn't.

"I'm sorry love, but I have to get up" Chris turned Gill around kissed her. Gill sat up and wrapped her arms around him. She held him tightly as if she would never let go.

"You go back to sleep, its early" Chris let go of Gill and laid her back down, he then pulled the duvet up over her.

"When will you be back?" Gill asked, it was still dark outside so it must be early.

"Sunday night hopefully" Chris said as he pulled on a white shirt.

"Ok, be careful and I love you" Gill said as she rolled herself up in the duvet

"Love you too, I'll ring you tomorrow night" Gill nodded as Chris left their bedroom, she fell back asleep almost instantly however she didn't feel as warm without him.

Gill woke up again, this time to the sound of her alarm. She groaned and rolled over to switch it off. Deciding there was no point in staying in bed any longer she climbed out and pulled on her slippers. She left her bedroom and made her way to Julie's to wake her up. She knocked softly on the door, no reply. Gill gently pushed open the door and saw Julie lying wrapped in the covers. She looked so peaceful and after last night when she looked so ill Gill decided this was a big improvement. Gill couldn't bring herself to wake her up, so grabbed Julie's phone from the side and left the room closing the door quietly behind her. Gill scrolled through Julie contacts until she found Julie's Sergeant Dan. She decided to call him and explain everything then tell him Julie wouldn't be coming in today.

_Dc Jones_

_Hi Dan, it's DCI Gill Murray from syndicate 9_

_Oh hello, how are you_

_Fine thanks, it's about Julie, that's why I'm ringing_

_Is she ok, I told her she had been working herself to hard what's happened?_

_Oh no she's fine, she stayed at mine last night and has finally fallen asleep so she won't be coming in today, can you come up with some excuse for her?_

_Yeah that's fine just tell her I said get better and too ring me when she can_

_Will do_

Gill hung up the phone, Dan seemed genuinely concerned about Julie, maybe Dan is the one for Julie, Gill thought to herself. Gill made her way back to her room and got dressed; she pulled on a red dress with a black blazer over the top. She then went downstairs to make herself some coffee. When she was downstairs she looked at the clock, ten to seven meaning she had ten minutes to eat breakfast. Once her toast had popped up she scoffed it and was getting ready to leave, then she remembered Julie was still upstairs, she could either go and leave Julie here meaning she wouldn't be able to leave because she had no car, but then Gill knew she'd get an ear full later. Deciding against it, Gill kicked off her shoes and ran back upstairs. She opened the door and found Julie in the exact same position she had been earlier.

"Julie" Gill shook her friend's shoulder

"Ugh" Julie whispered, she shuffled down underneath the covers "Oh shit I've got work" Julie then began to climb out of bed but was stopped by Gill pushing her back down.

"Your going no where madam, I've called Dan and told him your ill, you are to rest today do you understand" Gill said forcefully she knew that was the only way to get through to Julie.

"Fine, thanks Gill" Julie lay back down again. Gill knew Julie really was ill because she would have normally carried on as if nothing was wrong.

"I'll see you later, don't go anywhere and I'll finish early ok" Gill said as she walked out of the room hearing a small reply from Julie, she smiled and closed the door again. She looked at her watch it had just gone seven; she ran down the stairs collected everything then jumped in her car.


	2. Chapter 2

When Gill got home that evening it wasn't too late. It had just gone nine but it was Friday and Gill wasn't working this weekend. Gill had brought a takeaway on the way home for her and Julie. She'd spoken to Julie throughout the day and kept offering to pop home and check she was ok. Julie was shocked at how caring Gill could be but it made Julie even more confused about her feelings towards her best friend. She opened the door and the house was very quiet, Gill left the takeaway on the table and went upstairs to see if Julie was still in bed. She knocked on the door and heard a small reply. Gill pushed the door open and saw Julie lying under the covers. Julie grinned when she saw Gill who smiled back, Julie looked a lot better now.

"How you feeling?" Gill sat down next to Julie on the bed and placed a hand to her forehead. Julie felt herself go cold at the touch of Gill's cool hand. Julie smiled at Gill and nodded.

"Yeah, I feel ok now thanks for letting me stay last night, I should probably go home soon!" Julie said, she didn't want to but she didn't think staying there would do her any favours.  
"No chance, I've got a takeaway and Chris is away all weekend so I need someone to keep me company!" Gill laughed as she moved the pillows so Julie could sit up.  
"I knew there was a reason we were friends" Julie's stomach dropped when Gill mentioned Chris, she knew they loved each other and she would never want to come between them. Her whole body was aching but she didn't care she wanted to be with Gill.  
"Do you wanna eat it up here or come downstairs and eat it in front of the telly?" Gill asked.  
"I need to get up before my legs fall off!" Julie laughed. She began to climb out of the bed but ended up in a fight with the hundreds of duvets and blankets Gill had given her. Gill stood there trying not to laugh at her best friend.  
"Oh come here" Gill laughed as she helped Julie out of bed and took her downstairs. Julie gripped hold of Gill's arm. She told herself it was to stop herself from falling over but she really just wanted to be close to Gill.

"Sit down and I'll just go and get some plates" Gill let go of Julie and went into the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and some plates, then she went back into the lounge.  
"Perfect" Julie sighed.  
"You're only saying that because I have wine!" Gill laughed and sat down next to Julie. She poured the wine and handed her a plate filled with Chinese.  
"Just what the doctor ordered!" Julie laughed.  
"I think I would make a good doctor, I'm good at that sort of thing!" Gill laughed.  
"Pfff you'd be shit at it considering you're not that great whenever you see blood!" Julie scoffed. Gill pinched her arm and moved so her legs were lying across Julie's lap. Julie lifted her plate up whilst Gill made herself comfy and then rested her plate on Gill's legs.

"I think we should go away again together soon" Gill laughed. They had been on several trips together before. Last year they went to the South of France on a booze cruise. Neither of them remembered a lot although the picture served hilarious reminders.  
"Yeah, I'm thinking Greece for a week or two!" Julie laughed. Both of them would start getting carried away and if they drunk anymore they might end up with a one way ticket to Sydney.

"Ok lets book it soon and go away before ickle Sammy and Orla get drunk..I mean married" Gill took another swig of wine, but Julie squeezed her knee making her snort into her glass.  
"Ickle Sammy and Orla? They're not six Gill!" Julie laughed.  
"I know but they will always be ickle to me!" Gill was slowly drinking more and more.  
"So are you gunna tell me what was wrong last night?" Gill asked making the subject a little more serious. Julie was desperate to tell Gill her feelings but she was scared what Gill would say or how she'd react.  
"Oh I was just upset because my niece has just got engaged and it made me think that I've never really been there for her at all" This was true Julie would never lie to Gill but that wasn't the only reason she was upset.  
"You've been there for them of course you have! You couldn't come to my birthday a few years ago because you were staying with them!" Gill replied as she filled her and Julie's glasses with more wine  
"Have you forgiven me for not coming yet?" Julie laughed, it was a running joke between them that Gill still held a grudge against her for it.  
"Not yet a new TV should suffice!" Gill and Julie both burst out laughing. It wasn't long before they realised they'd nearly drunk a whole bottle of wine between the two of them.

"Hold on I've got another bottle in the fridge!" Gill jumped up and went into the kitchen. Julie sat there staring at a picture on the window sill. It was of Gill and Chris at New Year, Gill was sat in Chris' lap wearing some glittery pink glasses and Chris was wearing a blue feather boa. Gill had thrown a huge party that went on well into the next day. Gill and Chris had been inseparable that night but Julie couldn't blame Gill, she was finally happily in love and she'd found someone who really loved her unlike Dirty Dave. She wanted Gill to know how she felt and she was desperate for Gill to feel the same way but she wasn't sure.  
"Found it!" Gill laughed as she walked back into the lounge stumbling slightly. She caught her foot and tripped forward. Julie jumped up and caught Gill before she hit the ground. Gill looked up at Julie and couldn't stop herself from laughing.  
"Saved my life there slap!" Julie helped her back down to the sofa not letting go of her for a second.  
"Gill I I.I" Julie stumbled over her words. Gill sat there unsure of what was going on. All she knew was that Julie's arms were still wrapped around her. Before Gill had a chance to reply Julie's lips were pressed against hers. Gill was so shocked she did nothing she didn't even push her away. She sobered up very quickly but she wasn't sure exactly was going on. Thoughts of Chris were running through her mind, Gill loved him and wanted to spend her life with him. Chris regarded Julie very highly so Gill didn't think he needed to know about this incident, but Gill knew there and then she didn't love Julie in the same way as she did Chris. Their love was more like sisterly love. They did everything together and Gill never wanted their friendship to change. Finally she found the strength to pull away from Julie.

"Jules.. are you doing?" Gill was shocked to say the least. Julie had been there for her through thick and thin.

"I think I love you Gill"


	3. Chapter 3

Gill sat there staring at Julie who had tears in her eyes.

"Julie what are you talking about?" Gill couldn't believe what Julie had just said and thought it was some kind of sick joke.

"I'm in love with you Gill" Julie whispered with a little less confidence than last time, this was not the way she planned to tell Gill and the tears were on the brink of falling. Julie tried to blink them back but she wasn't sure how long she could keep it up for. Gill just sat there staring, mouth open. Julie desperately wanted to pull her close and hug her tightly but she knew that would be a big mistake right now.

"Don't mess around with me Jules" Gill muttered. She just sat there with her gaze fixed on her best friend. They had been through a hell of a lot together and she chooses now to drop that kind of bombshell.

"I think I'd better go" Julie stammered as she stood up from the sofa looking at Gill still trying to blink away her tears. She couldn't blame Gill for her reaction so she didn't want to make her feel bad by breaking down into sobs. All Gill could do was nod at her best friend. She loved Julie of course she did but it wasn't the same. "I'll ring you" Julie went to hug Gill but Gill pulled away leaving Julie standing there. Admittedly it was quite a stupid thing to do but she needed to feel close to her.

"Just go" Gill spat, the way she said it scared Julie it sounded cold and empty. Julie nodded and left the house. She pulled out of the drive and began to head home, but she couldn't see from the tears that were filling in her eyes. She pulled over and it was only then she let herself sob her heart out.

Gill wasn't sure how long she'd sat on the sofa for staring at the wall her mind racing with everything that had just happened. Gill would have thought she would've realised her best friend had feelings for her but clearly she was wrong. She felt bad for the way she pulled away from Julie's hug but right now she didn't want to give Julie the wrong impression. She was knocked out of her trance when her phone buzzed. She hoped it would be from Chris telling her about his day but Julie had decided to text her.

_I'm sorry J_

Gill re read the text several times for a minute or so she thought it meant Julie was going to do something incredibly stupid but then again she knew Julie and hoped to God she wouldn't be that stupid. Gill threw the TV remote which was the nearest thing within her reach across the room and it smacked against the wall before falling to the floor. Gill burst into tears, she didn't want to lose Julie over this but she didn't want to be with Julie she couldn't be with Julie. Gill needed Julie as her best friend the person she could go to when work was busy or Chris was annoying. Gill and Julie went to each other about everything and that's what made it harder. She heard a key turn in the door and she nearly jumped out of her skin. She heard Sammy and Orla laughing about something; she quickly wiped her tears away before they came in and saw her in this state.

"Sammy no stop it" Orla and Sammy fell into the lounge crashing down to the floor, Orla landed on top of Sammy who was holding her tightly. They hadn't realised she was there until she coughed making her presence known.

"Gill!" Orla shrieked and jumped off Sammy.

"Sorry to interrupt!" Gill tried to laugh but she wasn't really in the mood. Orla sat down on the sofa next to Gill and leant against her shoulder. Sammy stood up and saw Gill's face in the light it was tear stained, he glanced at Orla who nodded she'd realised too.

"I'm gunna make some tea do you want a cup?" Sammy asked, Orla and Gill both nodded and he left for the kitchen.

"Are you alright?" Orla looked up from Gill's shoulder and squeezed her hand.

"Yeah I'm fine" Gill smiled and nodded trying to reassure Orla.

"Sure? You can tell me? Sammy returned with the tea and passed a mug to Gill.

"Thanks kid, really I'm fine just exhausted!" Orla didn't look reassured but agreed anyway it didn't help that Gill then caught her shrugging at Sammy. She decided not to dwell on the subject any longer. "Well I'm going to bed, see you in the morning" Gill took her tea and climbed off the sofa. She hugged Orla and Sammy before leaving the room. She was going up the stairs when she overhead Sammy.

"I have no idea what's up with her, maybe Julie will know?" Gill ran up the rest of the stairs because she was scared of Sammy finding out and wasn't sure herself what the hell was going on.

It didn't take Gill long to get into bed, she lay there staring up at the ceiling. Her mind couldn't focus on anything apart from Julie's confession.

_**I'm in love with you**_ Gill couldn't think of anything but that. The way she'd sent Julie out the door without so much of a goodbye. Gill and Julie had never argued, they agreed to disagree about certain things but they'd never once been a cross word said between them until tonight. Gill thought back to the way she'd told Julie to leave. If it was the other way round Gill would have broken down in tears right there and then, but Julie didn't she was strong but not as strong as she looked.

_**God why am I such a bitch?**_

_Thanks for reading this! I hope your enjoying it and please don't forget to review it really means a lot to me! _


	4. Chapter 4

Hidden feelings chap 4

"Ma'am a Sammy Murray is here to see you?" a young DC poked his head around Julie Dodson's door. Julie stood up and smiled.

"Oh yeah can you show him through?" Julie asked. It had been ten days since Julie's confession. Gill was still in complete shock and it hadn't gone unnoticed by Janet and Rachel at work. Julie smoothed down her jacket and took a deep breath; Sammy had rung her asking to talk. Julie had no idea what it was about but she was pretty sure Gill hadn't said anything to Sammy.

"Sammy love" Julie grinned when she saw him. They'd always been close and Julie sometimes used to babysit Sammy when Gill and Dave went out. Sammy loved it because he always got to 'help' Julie with whatever work she was doing at the time.

"Auntie Julie!" Sammy hugged Julie; she could see some of her syndicate staring through the glass. Julie let go of him and went to shut the blinds glaring at her team as she did it.

"Sit down love" Julie indicated a chair and then went to sit behind her desk the sick feeling in her stomach growing. "What's up?" Sammy's face suddenly became quite serious and Julie was worried he'd found out what happened and was about to go mental.

"I'm worried about mum" Sammy whispered, Julie's heart sunk.

"Oh why?" Julie tried to remain nonchalant but deep down she was trying to stop herself from bursting into tears. She felt this was all her fault.

"I dunno, she just seems really distant, and I know she's busy at work but I haven't seen her in eight days" Julie smiled, Gill never left work early she'd always make sure everything was done before going home. It was one of the things Julie loved about her.

"Mmm well I haven't seen her recently so I'm afraid I can't really help you there?" Sammy just stared at Julie shocked that was all she could say. Julie felt awful lying to Sammy she loved him like her own but seeing Gill would do her no favours.

"What? You tell each other everything she must have said something!" Sammy was beginning to realise there was definitely something going on, he just wasn't sure what.

"Well we do, but work has just been so busy at the moment that we haven't had the chance to catch up" Julie saw Sammy's face fall, she thought he'd been hoping she would have all his answers. "Have you tried asking her what's wrong?" Julie asked gently. She knew Sammy loved his mother but sometimes boys could be extremely slow with their feelings.

"Well I've barely seen her and I never really know what to say but Orla's going out with her tonight so she's going to try and talk to her" Sammy replied, he and Orla had decided they would have to take matters into their own hands if Gill wasn't going to open up to them or Julie.

"If she's busy will she be able to go out with Orla?" Julie felt a little annoyed that Gill would take the time to go for dinner with Orla but she wouldn't even think about returning the endless texts and calls Julie had sent.

"Mum and Orla are literally best mates! I sometimes think mum loves her more than she does me!" Sammy and Julie both laughed at this. Julie didn't want to make it seems like she and Gill weren't talking to each other.

"I doubt that kid, when we're both a bit less busy I'll invite her out for a drink try and see what's wrong?" Julie offered knowing that Gill wouldn't accept but she could say she tried.

"Thanks Auntie Julie, I'd better go and leave you to it" Sammy stood up and hugged Julie once more taking in her familiar smell of perfume mixed with hairspray. Sammy liked the fact his mum and Julie wore the exact same perfume without even realising until someone pointed it out.

"It's nothing, if she gets horrendous text me!" Julie laughed but inside she was just desperate to talk to Gill again.

"I will, see you later" with that Sammy walked out of the office and Julie went to pull the blinds back up. She caught her team all scuttling back to their desks and trying to look like they hadn't been trying to listen in to her conversation.

XXXX

"I'm so sorry I'm late!" Gill gasped as she sat down at the table opposite Orla.

"It's fine I haven't been here long anyway" Orla smiled and pushed a glass of wine over to Gill.

"Thanks love, how was your day?" Gill asked as she took a large swig of wine.

"Yeah I had a lecture this morning but that was about it really, how was yours?" Gill turned off her phone and put it in her pocket giving Orla her full attention.

"Yeah it wasn't too bad, we think we've found the bastard" Gill laughed into her wine.

"So does that mean me and Sammy will actually see you then?" Orla asked trying to keep the subject light, she wanted Gill to open up to her.

"I know, I'm sorry it's just been so busy lately!" Gill sighed, Orla could see there was something playing on her mind but it would take at least one more bottle of wine until she found out what it was.

"No it's not that we just don't want you to work yourself into exhaustion!" Gill did feel bad about not seeing them, but the busier she kept herself the less time she had to think about Julie's constant texts and calls that weren't easing up.

"I'm not seriously" Gill smiled at Orla but she could tell she wasn't reassured by that.

"Good, have you seen Julie recently?" Orla asked she couldn't help but notice the colour leaving Gill's face when she mentioned Julie.

"Umm not for a week or so but she's been busy" Gill muttered as she took a gulp of her wine not wanting to look Orla in the eyes. Orla was almost certain something had happened but she just couldn't out her finger on what.

"Gill has something happened between you and Chris?" Orla asked worry evident in her eyes.

"What?! God no we're fine honestly!" Gill reassured Orla; she had no idea where she'd got that idea from but it didn't help that Chris was away and Gill had been distant with everyone including him. Chris was extremely worried about her.

"Are you sure because there is definitely something wrong" Orla caught eye contact with Gill and they held each others eye.

"No I'm fine, we're fine" Gill tried to laugh it off but it was hard trying to hide things from Orla. The two of them shared things which only a mother and daughter would. Orla knew something was bugging Gill just by the way she still hadn't finished her first glass of wine. Normally she'd be on her second bottle by now.

"You can talk to me you know!" Orla hoped Sammy had better luck with Julie.

"I know love, and if there was something wrong I would tell you" Gill smiled at Orla who tried to let it go.

"Alright then, I'm just going to the loo won't be long" Gill nodded and watched as Orla walked away from the table. Gill dug her phone out of her pocket and turned it on, three texts one from Julie, one from Rachel and the last one from Chris. Gill checked Chris' message which was just asking where she was. She sent a quick reply but couldn't help feeling like she'd neglected him a lot over the last week especially seeing as he hadn't had to travel anywhere but she spent all her time at work creeping into bed in the small hours. Gill knew Rachel would have called if it was that important and Gill left Julie's message unopened. As Orla returned Gill's phone buzzed with an incoming call from Julie Dodson. Gill took a deep breath and decided to bite the bullet.

"Hello?" Gill answered remaining in control.

"Gill?"

_**Shit I didn't think this far ahead**_

I really hope your enjoying where this is going! Please don't forget to review!


	5. Chapter 5

I'm so sorry about how long this took! Please don't hate me for it!

Thank you furry98 x

"Gill?" Julie voice rang out down the phone making Gill's stomach drop. Orla had returned to the table and sat back down opposite Gill.

"Yeah" Gill couldn't tell if Orla knew it was Julie but was determined not to make it obvious they hadn't spoken.

"How are you?"

"Fine thanks you?" Julie could tell this conversation wasn't going anywhere, she hated this and wished she'd never told Gill. She should have just kept it quiet like she had done for the past few years.

"Yeah, listen I was just wondering if you wanted to meet for a coffee? I think we've got some things we need to talk about and if I'm honest I miss you" Gill couldn't help but smile a little at Julie's last sentence no matter how much she didn't want to.

"Yeah ok, I'm free tomorrow morning if that's any good?"

"That's perfect, the usual place?" Gill smirked as she thought of the posh coffee shop they always went to on their days off together.

"Course I'll see you then"

"Alright bye" Gill smiled at Orla as she hung up the phone. She felt as if a small weight had been lifted off her shoulders now she'd finally spoken to Julie.

"Alright love?" Gill asked.

"Yeah fine, was that Julie?" Orla asked noticing that Gill definitely seemed brighter than before she'd left the table two minutes ago.

"Yeah just arranging coffee tomorrow" Gill replied as she put her phone back in her pocket. "You ready to go?" Gill asked as she paid the bill.

"Yeah lets go, thanks for dinner" Orla said as she stood up linking arms with Gill and together they walked out to the carpark.

"Pleasure"

XXXX

Julie stubbed out her cigarette and flattened it with her foot on the pavement. Julie didn't smoke often only when she was extremely stressed and today she was. Gill had finally answered one of Julie's calls. It had been incredibly strange talking to Gill and no one would have known they had been friends for years. They had agreed to meet at their favourite coffee shop to talk things through, Julie was glad she was finally going to see Gill again although she felt sick wondering how this was going to work out. When Julie pushed open the door she saw Gill already sat on the sofa in the corner with two drinks on the table. Gill looked up from her phone when she saw Julie. Gill was smiling which relaxed Julie slightly.

"Sorry I'm late the bloody traffic" Julie started talking and soon realised she was so nervous she didn't think she would be able to stop. Gill instantly saw through Julie and knew full well why Julie was late.

"Don't lie to me Julie Dodson, I know full well you just had a fag in the carpark!" Julie relaxed even more as Gill laughed and sat down opposite her.

"Yeah alright fine" Julie blushed a little.

"It's alright, I've just done the exact same thing out of the car window!" Julie looked up at Gill and they both started laughing. This was what made their friendship so brilliant, they were both so similar and could always read each other like a book.

"Thank God, so how have you been?" Julie saw Gill flinch slightly and could tell she felt a little uncomfortable but that was the complete opposite of what Julie wanted her to feel.

"Yeah good thanks, how about you?" Gill wasn't really sure what to say, the conversation had gone from light and funny to extremely awkward.

"Yep same old you know" Julie replied as she put her phone in her bag. Julie could see that Gill wanted to talk about what happened but she wasn't sure if she could even talk about it without crying.

"Listen about that night" Gill began but stopped when Julie cut her off.

"Look, I'm really sorry I'd had way too much to drink and everything got blown entirely out of proportion I didn't mean to cause any hatred between us" Julie was lying through her teeth trying to block out her feelings for Gill. She'd heard something about if you lie to yourself enough you might start to believe it. Hopefully this would work.

"You can't just drop that bombshell on me and then say you'd had too much to drink because we'd barely drunk anything!" Gill looked unsure, she wanted to believe Julie and just go back to how their friendship used to be.

"We're like sisters you and me Gill!" Julie kept replaying the night back in her head, it could still be fixed and she would just have to accept it that Gill would only ever be a friend and no more.

"No Julie, you can't smooth this over that easily, why say something like that, and the kiss, what were you thinking? That I'd kiss you back?" Gill felt herself tense up as she spoke. Julie studied Gill's eyes, they were blank and this worried her even more.

"I didn't mean to kiss you" the moment she'd said it she regretted it. Such a stupid, unbelievable lie would obviously let Gill know the full extent of Julie's feelings, but she tried to keep covering up the truth anyway "I wasn't thinking clearly and what I'd drunk just made it worse"

"What about Chris, where does he come into the equation?" Gill swallowed hard as she thought about him and how much she wanted to be in his arms right now.

"Have you told him?" Julie hoped he still didn't know, she didn't want anyone else to be mad at her.

"Well according to you there's nothing to tell" Gill spat and from then on the discussion got vicious.

"Does he know, Gill?" Julie needed an answer and wasn't going to stop until she got one.

"He doesn't, and he's not going to, neither will Sammy or Orla" Gill saw a flash of relief spread over Julie's face.

"Thank you" Julie nodded, not quite sure how she was even able to move her head because her neck felt stiff.

"Don't thank me" Gill raised an eyebrow as she sharply answered Julie "Do you have... feelings for me?"

Julie went mute, she couldn't push any words out of her mouth, even mumbling sounds couldn't be produced.

"I'll take that as a yes, how long for?" Gill cleared her throat as if trying to convey that she was in control of the conversation

Julie managed to conjure up a few words denying her feelings "I'm not, no"

"Stop with all the lies, I spent years in a marriage filled with lies and look how that turned out, don't you think I'm sick of them at this stage" Gill sighed frustrated.

"You're reading too deep into this!" Julie was getting protective now, she didn't need her walls being broken down by a pissed off Gill in a coffee shop.

"Just tell me the truth!" Gill shouted and a few heads turned back to see what all the noise was about. She didn't believe Julie, and now she just wanted the truth whatever the hell it was.

"Is that what you said to Dave? When you found out about the affairs" she really emphasised the word affairs, purely to sting Gill.

"Don't fucking do this!" She raised her hand partly to block Julie from seeing the single tear that was rolling down her face and partly to give herself time to think.

"You're paranoid, you know what, fuck this, I came here to sort this... mess out, but I'm not sure not if I want it sorted anymore" Julie surprised herself with those words, she even flung her arms around to make the statement clearer and it appeared to work because Gill face was a mirror of Julie's, dark cheeks, piercing eyes and ragged breathing.

"Do what you like, all I ask is stay the hell away from me" Gill shot at her and then watched Julie storm out of the cafe.

Julie ran out the door crying, that wasn't how it was supposed to be, her and Gill were meant to hug and leave as best friends again, not sworn enemies.

Time passed slowly as she sat in her car staring the wall she'd parked in front of. After driving around for probably hours she eventually parked facing a brick wall which had two shades of bricks, a light red and a dark red. You only really notice the small things when you're looking she thought to herself.

The tears had stopped sometime between running out of the coffee shop and parking opposite the wall, she'd most likely cried herself dry and was now hollow.

Julie blinked and inhaled deeply. The sky was gradually turning black and the moon was appearing. She could see a pub nearby so she got out and walked to it. She reached the door and turned to look back at her car. Since walking a maximum of around five hundred yards she'd forgotten if she locked her car when she got out. Everything that had happened to Gill made he more aware now but she decided to chance it and continued walking into the pub.

Julie settled herself on a stool at the bar and looked around. No one was familiar, thankfully.

She ordered her large wine and sat waiting, staring into space, not allowing her mind anywhere near the fight with Gill.

Her wine arrived and she paid. A large gulp calmed her slightly until she heard a voice she knew well.

"Julie, how are you?"


End file.
